How to Make Friends as an Adult – A Battle to End Loneliness

When I moved to Los Angeles eight years ago, I was struggling to make friends as an adult. My sister encouraged me to give people hints I wanted to be friends with them and make the first move. But it felt really awkward to take that advice. What was really surprising was that I made three best friends from that advice.

Making friends when you were a child was much easier than when you reached adulthood. Starting a conversation with someone on the playground wasn’t difficult when you didn’t have a mountain of responsibilities over your shoulders.

In 350 B.C., Aristotle wrote that “without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods.” This goes to show that friendships were valued since the beginning of time. Unfortunately, we are in an age of social isolation where people are less connected to each other than before.

Although socializing can seem like a low priority for many adults, there is still that shroud of wonder of how to make friends as an adult. You may be wondering what are the benefits to making friends as an adult.

But friendship has already been proven to significantly impact your physical and mental health. Having strong social ties can boost your immune system, decrease the risk of heart disease and help you live a longer fulfilling life.

Maintaining human relationships is good because you have a social network to vent about your problems or to accompany you to parties. But just as friendships are important to maintain in your life, it’s just as important to let go of toxic relationships that are putting you down.

It doesn’t matter if you moved to a new town or you are at a point in your life where you feel ready to welcome someone into your life. So here are some useful tips you can use to make friends as an adult.

The Recipe for Friendship

There are three conditions sociologists have discovered to making new lifelong friends.

• Proximity
• Repeated, unplanned interactions
• A setting that encourages people to let their guard down and confide in each other

We are usually scared of stepping outside of our comfort zone because we want stick to what makes us comfortable. We usually like to stick with people who have been there with us during our best and worst times. But as great as those people are, all it does is limit our ability to meet people people and make new friends.

Eventually you are going to move on with your life where you might separate from the people you feel comfortable being around. Forming new friendships requires you to put yourself out there and be open to meeting new people.

If you go to an event, don’t be afraid to introduce yourself to one other person who appears to be alone there too. Join a co-ed sports team where you have the option to meet many great people. Make small efforts to talk to people you work with and if you feel comfortable with them, plan something outside of work.

Most friendships I have built have originated from making myself vulnerable and genuine. By approaching people and being genuinely interested in them, it doesn’t make it hard for them to not like you.

“During childhood, the part of our brain (prefrontal cortex) which provides executive functioning ability like judgment, planning and personality is not fully developed,” explains Dr. Kate Cummins, a licensed clinical psychologist in California. “As we age, we get more into our heads about the judgment of another person, or the thoughts they may have about us.”

Avoid judging people before you know anything about them and don’t be afraid of the things you don’t have in common with someone. Simply make the effort to understand them. Discover what makes you both unique and different based on every interaction you have with them.

When you stay true to yourself and allow another person to remain true to themselves, you can’t go wrong. People made friends through their children, hobbies, and pets.

Like Dating, Put Yourself Out There

I went to a book club alone and was partnered with someone who I thought was weird. She had a squeaky voice, wore hippy like clothing and seemed real laid back. Not the typical girl I would really spend time with. But little did I know I would come to love every part of her and we hit if off immediately after we met.

The amount of effort you put in the friendship matters significantly. When I met my hippy friends, she immediately added me as a friend on Facebook and liked each other wall posts for a while. We eventually started sharing funny memes with each other and shared weird articles we came across. This eventually led to us spending time together outside of social media and setting up random lunch dates.

Friendship is not a formula that immediately works but a buildup process that eventually leads to a strong foundation. The hardest part is always going to be putting yourself out there to meet people. Such as online dating, you are not going to hit it off with every person you encounter. But eventually the more people you have an experience with, the more options you open up for yourself.

Such as dating someone, remember it is the intimate conversations that makes you feel closer to someone. I remember when me and my hippy friend was randomly hanging out at my home watching TV, she randomly started speaking about a personal childhood experience that allowed me to share one of my own.

A big part of maintaining a friendship is allowing yourself to be vulnerable with someone so they can do the same for you. If you constantly hold a shield over yourself as the other person explicit their emotions, it makes them feel like you don’t trust them the same they trust you which can make them eventually uncomfortable.

Don’t overthink it by thinking you are not good enough to be someone’s friend or you are not fun to be around. These are the type of false beliefs based on our past experiences that prevents people from forming new friendships. This is when you have to evaluate the type of environment you’re setting yourself up for.

Seek An Alliance

Find an environment where you could possibly connect with someone over the same interests. This can be a recreational sport, mastermind group, weekly Zumba classes or even a Meetup group.

Put yourself into a situation where you have an experience with multiple people repeatedly. Choosing someone you share a common interest with makes a good potential friend because it gives you something to bond over.

Determine what are you interested in doing and don’t be afraid to invite someone along with you. Whether it is going out to eat somewhere, grabbing a workout partner or finding someone to go on a hike with, don’t be afraid to get into the habit of inviting people out.

If they decline the offer, don’t take it personal and be open to keep inviting them out. People may decline the offer but in the back of their minds they still appreciate the offer.

If you would like to connect to people by forming groups where you can invite others to, you can submit a Event post on FriendPC or go to other options online such as Meetup.

After establishing your new connections, one of the most important lessons to keep is to stay in contact. If you don’t keep up with someone on the regular, they eventually disappear from your life and think back on whatever separated you two. This means when you reach out to them ask about how they are doing, anything new with their life and funny events that may have occurred in yours.