Don’t Cling To One Person – The Dangers of Oneitis

Although we like to dive into the importance of Virtual Friends, we at FriendPC do know the importance of personal relationships. We normally have one or two people in our lives who we feel most comfortable talking to. For some it may be their parents. For others it may be a partner. And for others, they may not have anyone anyone.

It’s a dangerous road to cross when you have no one to talk to day to day about your issues or the person you did speak to no longer wants to talk to you. This is known as the dangers of the Oneitis. This is the belief that only one person is capable of fulfilling your happiness. You think about them daily and your obsess about them to an unhealthy level. 

Most people operating in a scarcity mindset catch the disease Oneitis at some point. If not promptly caught and cured, Oneitis can take years away from one’s life. You can pour all your time and energy into a lost cause instead of using it to improve yourself.

I remember I used to date someone who I used to love telling my thoughts to. But after we broke up, I was lost and had no clue how to deal with my personal thoughts. Who was I going to share my secrets with? How was I going to communicate with someone about things I can’t tell my parents or other friends?

Let’s Break Down Oneitis

Having suffered myself from a very dire case of the disease, I am accustomed to the symptoms. The symptoms of Oneitis can include:

• Spending an abnormal amount of time thinking and obsessing over one person.
• Believing that one person is completely different from every other person that you have ever met.
• Believing that one person is the most beautiful person in the world.
• Believing that there is no other person for you but them.
• Believing that they are absolutely perfect and could do no wrong in your eyes.
• Putting them before everything else in your life.

As you can see, it’s easy catching the oneitis and not seeing anything wrong with the above beliefs would indicate you may have it. You may believe that if someone only truly knew how much you cared about them, that they would love you in return.

However, this is not the way attraction or love actually works. When you truly love a person, you do not need anything from them in return. Arriving at this realization took me years and was the most painful lesson that I have ever had to learn.

There is no such thing as “the one,” but only people who are more or less compatible together. Love is something you build, not something you find.

While I have no doubt that the feelings which you have are genuine, these feelings originate from a place of scarcity and fear. You may mistake the burning desire you have for someone as the being the truest form of love.

The Only Thing to Fear is Fear itself

Fear resulting from scarcity infiltrates the heart and amplifies certain emotions to an unhealthy level. If this is the first time that you have ever felt this way, then you may be terrified of losing someone for whom you feel these feelings. You may fear that you may never again feel this same way about anyone else.

The truth is that you may be right. However, this is not due to you having lost out on the love of your life, but to the fact that you no longer live in scarcity.

Once the scarcity mindset is removed, you can find someone with whom you can have a relationship with that is built on positive emotions, instead of the hidden underlying emotions of loneliness and fear.

Now looking back, having my heart broken was one of the best things that could have ever happened to me. Had a need based relationship instead ensued, I would have never become the person I am today. I would have unknowingly submitted to comfort and security rather than venturing out into the world to learn its truths for myself.

I would have remained a weak person and never developed the deep self-love, self-confidence and self-reliance which are prerequisites to unselfishly loving another person. When you begin to see that there’s more than one person who you can share your deep thoughts with, it makes life more exciting. It’s learning how to leave your bubble and make yourself vulnerable to new people so you can explore new relationships with them.