How to Make Friends in College – The Guide For Every Young Adult

Do you remember the first good friend you made?

The first person I was able to consider my “friend” was someone I went to preschool with. I was probably 4 years old and we had similar interest in a lot of subjects, as well as corresponding characteristics such as he was more extroverted and I was more introverted. Although simple, it was still a friendship that summons up good emotions inside me today.

As I’ve continued through life, my experience with friendships had shifted. I’ve made new friends along the way, deepened my relationship with existing friends from school my neighborhood, buy the mistake I always made was the habit of falling out of touch with them.

What I’ve eventually realize in the past couple years is that while you can’t require or produce relationships, you can accept natural friendships that occur after utilizing time in your day to know someone.

I often made the mistake that making a new friend should be as easy to swiping someone on an app and going out with them. If the chemistry existed, you instantly became their friend or if there was something off about someone, you would cut them off.

But such as the mistake many people make in dating, you can’t assume someone’s entire identity off of a short meetup with them. It requires a series of mutual meetups and communications. It requires learning their habits, goals, interests, and dislikes. Once you truly understand someone, that is when a genuine friendship is possible.

Forming a friendship with someone isn’t completely out of your control. In fact, because it’s such an integral part of living a pleased life, it’s something that you place on autopilot at your risk.

Among the best things about college is all the opportunities it offers you to start fresh. When I started my first year at college, I did not have any friends who I could visit. It didn’t take long to realize if none of your friends from High School transferred to the same college, you’re starting off in a new area surrounded by essentially thousands of individuals you’ve never met before.

All of these people are prospective close friends. You just have to seek them out.

When you are at college, many students often miss out on the insane number of opportunities they have to make new friends while in college. Whether it’s your first semester or your final semester, this article will show you how to make new friends and deepen existing friendships in college and beyond.

Where did you make your first close friends?

For most people, it’s finding a group of people who reflect your interests. If you are into anime, seek out an anime club or group of students who like it on campus. If you are into tennis, find a group of students who play tennis and interest your time with them.

The factor that usually starts off a great friendship is when you share a mutual interest with them and the origins of your conversations isn’t filled with random topics to keep it alive. Instead, both members are focused on accomplishing a goal such as playing tennis games together or watching anime together and discussing the episodes. The more you interact with someone, the easier it becomes to ease into other subjects in your life.

Perhaps after speaking to someone from a group you joined, you learn to appreciate how open and kind the other person was, while they were drawn to your personality.

This continues later on in life, too. My best friends from high school were people that I knew from attending other places such as:

Marching band
Honors classes
Theater

Once more, it’s essential to invest lots of time together with people while doing common activities with them. The more activities you share with someone, the more comfortable you become with them.

How to Make Friends with Intention

Now that we’ve covered a common way we make friends, let’s get into the subject of how to make friends with intention. Although not encouraged, I understand that if you have no friends but you want some, you will want to make friends intentionally. Every person you interact with who you like will have you wondering in the back of your head if there is a potential friendship.

Keep in mind that being deliberate concerning your friendships is one of the secrets to a happy life. Unlike your family, you have control over who your friends are and you want to avoid toxic people or those who try to only use you. When you are alone, it is easy to be swept up in a one-sided friendship when they acknowledge you.

Proactively seeking friends means you’re more probable to have people around you that invigorate you, makes you laugh, and also sustains you through challenging times.

Where to find friends

Something that I’ve fought with in the past is where exactly I ought to go to fulfill potential friends. This could be a question many people have when looking for new friends.

If you’re an introvert like me, it can be helpful to have a defined list of places, as it takes some of the mystery and worry out of potential interactions.

Even if you’re a really social person (aka an Extrovert), you might not have realized all the possible areas that you can go to find people to be friends while you are in college. So here are some options for you to consider:

Campus Events.

One of the best advantages of attending college are the variety of people you are surrounded by daily. And the more people that are available, the easier it is to find someone who matches what you like to do.

Below are simply a few of the types of occasions that were common at my college: .

Guest speakers.
Karaoke nights.
Protests.
Charity 5Ks.
Free craft evenings.
Classical music shows.
Music events.
TEDx.
Quidditch matches.
Themed dancing (with free food!).
Global Nomad socials.

Campus events are a fantastic area to meet various types of people you may be compatible with. They give you an automated talking factor and also run the gamut of comfort levels for introverts and also extroverts.

Facebook has made it simpler than ever before to learn about these events. What’s more, you can constantly take a look at the lots of posters marketing them around campus. The genuine challenge is selecting which ones to head to, as there’s most likely something every evening of the week.

Campus Organizations

School companies might be the very best area to make close friends. Because there are so many of them, this is simple. Whether it’s an intramural sporting activity, a social cause, a leisure activity, a music search, or a career desire, there’s most likely a club for it.

Clubs have all the benefits of campus occasions with the included bonus offer that they satisfy routinely. This gives you a possibility to have actually repeated communications with the same individuals, which is a vital ingredient in forming friendships.

Caution: Pick your university organizations very carefully. It’s fine to try a bunch of various clubs at the beginning of the term, but it’s much better in the future for both your social life and your tension levels to commit to 2-3 clubs that you actually delight in and also respect.

It’s also worth keeping in mind that some clubs are better for developing friendships than others. Clubs that are very structured, such as a musical group or campus council, typically leave little area to really speak and also obtain to know each other.

That’s not to claim you shouldn’t sign up with more structured clubs (I was in a number of musical teams throughout the university), however it can make it a little more difficult to make pals than much less organized companies such as an approach discussion group or a running club.

Classes

Assuming that you spend 8 hours a night getting excellent sleep, that leaves you with 112 waking hours. This represents a great opportunity to make friends.

Similar to clubs, some courses function better than others for making good friends. Classes that have labs or team projects, aggravating as they may be, have a tendency to function better considering that they provide you even more time to talk than a course that’s simply straight up lecture.

Courses likewise enjoy the evident benefit of some type of common rate of interest (or at least shared commitment, if it’s a gen ed/required classes).

Your Dorm

Especially if it’s your first year of college. The food may be gross, and the decor may look like it was lifted from Doom, but one thing dorms do have going for them is that they’re a great place to make friends.

Seriously, though, dormitories are great due to all the spontaneous social interaction they invite. Whether it’s hanging out in the usual area doing research, cleaning your teeth in the neighborhood shower room, or organizing an unscripted corridor Nerf battle at 2 get on a Tuesday, it’s a fertile ground for relationships to create.

Naturally, the above also applies in various other living scenarios. Sharing a house with semi-random individuals was where I made a few of my buddies in university. Even if you’re renting a home off university, you can still make an effort to learn more about your next-door neighbors.

Informal Hangouts

This is a rather wide group, including whatever from big house parties to dorm lounge shatter tournaments. Usually these begin with a laid-back text like, “Hey, we need to all hang out tonite.” Where points go from there is anybody’s hunch.

What’s terrific regarding informal hangouts is that they allow for lots of time to actually chat as well as get to understand people. (Okay, this may not be true if it’s a wall-to-wall frat event shrieking Kanye, but you get the idea).

They’re likewise, well, casual, so if points get unpleasant it’s very easy to just leave. These kind of hangouts are also wonderful for growing existing relationships (more on that below).

Around Campus

Students usually neglect this, yet if you keep an open mind you can satisfy some really great individuals this way.

Generally, this is anywhere that’s not course. Some instances include: .

The gym (if you’re both working out, then that’s clearly a common rate of interest).
The trainee facility (great for people watching, yet likewise a good location to strike up table talks).
Waiting in the hall (whether it’s prior to class or a conference with a teacher or whatever).
Walking around campus (certainly do not be creepy, however if you occur to be walking similarly as somebody or to the same location, that’s a nice conversation starter).

This is probably on the more “advanced” level of making friends, as it requires you to initiate conversations with strangers. But it’s a great way to overcome shyness and increase your confidence.

Online

This can take different forms, but the most obvious is any Facebook groups associated with your class or school. I didn’t do this a ton myself, but I knew people who made friends just through being active in the class Facebook group before the semester even started.

This is a great way to go if, like me, you come across more eloquently in writing than you do in person.

Just don’t be one of those people who spams the group– not cool.

Internships and Research Assistantships

Plants growing in a research lab.

Research and internships are a great way to grow new friendships.

We’re big fans of internships here at College Info Geek. Not only do they look great on resumes and give you real work experience to talk about in job interviews, but they’re also a superb way to make friends.

For example, when I spent seven weeks living on campus as a summer research assistant, I had the chance to make several new friends. The campus was nearly empty, and that made it feel a lot more manageable. I lived in a dorm with maybe 200 other students, and I ran into a lot of the same people while cooking dinner or doing laundry.

Once again, this sort of experience provides a great common ground for conversations.

Campus Jobs

In the “professional world,” people often talk about having “work friends.” This isn’t something that requires you to have a full-time job to take advantage of. The time management and obvious monetary benefits, campus jobs are a cool way to meet people.

When I worked in the campus post office, for instance, I had the chance to chat with the same several people six days a week. I’ll admit I didn’t use this opportunity as well as I could have, but looking back it was an excellent place to meet people. This is an even better strategy if it’s a job with a lot of downtime such as working reception.

Having trouble remembering the names of all the new people you’re meeting? This guide will help.

How to Go from Acquaintance to Friend.

So you’ve gone out to some of the places above, and you’ve met some people. Ideally, you’ve chosen a place where you can encounter some of the same people over and over in order to build rapport. Maybe you’ve even exchanged phone numbers or added each other on Facebook.

Now that you have these “weak ties” (to use a term from sociologist Mark S. Granovetter), how do you take the relationship to a deeper level? How do you go from acquaintance to friend?

Not necessarily easy, but definitely simple. One-on-one time.

Hanging out in a group is lots of fun, but it can be difficult to spend enough time talking with one person to really open up to each other and get beyond surface-level conversation. The best way to go from acquaintance to friend is to spend quality time talking and/or doing an activity together.

Meeting for coffee is a low-pressure way to get to know someone better. Your coffee does not have to be as fancy as in the photo.

To make this easier, I suggest that you focus on cultivating one or two relationships at a time. Going out and meeting lots of people is a good idea to keep your social skills honed and broaden your network, but when it comes to making friends it’s best to keep it small. Especially, if you’re more introverted and find social interactions draining.

Like dating, it’s also best to keep things casual at. Message the person and suggest meeting for coffee or (cheap) lunch. Because they’re low pressure and allow for easy escape if the conversation gets stale, these settings are great.

Or if you want more structure, then suggest an activity you both would enjoy, ideally one that’s not too intense. That is, going for a walk in a local park is probably better than suggesting the two of you hike the Appalachian Trail.

Tip: Pick an activity where you can actually talk to each other. Eating a meal together is better than seeing a movie. If things are going well, then you may be ready to take things to the “next level,” which we’ll cover in the following section.

How to Deepen and Cultivate Friendships.

Let’s say that you’ve gone through Part 2, and you now would definitely call yourselves friends. How do you maintain this friendship, and how do you take it to a deeper place?

Maintaining the friendship is similar to the above section. Just keep in touch and do things together regularly. Pretty simple (though it can take some effort, especially when your life gets busy).

As for deepening a friendship, the key in my experience (and from people who are far more qualified), is vulnerability.

When people complain about “shallow” conversation, they’re usually getting at a deeper lack of vulnerability. They’re getting at, as the video explains, people trying to seem impressive instead of revealing what they’re really like, how they really feel.

Common Questions and Miscellaneous Tips

Before we wrap up, I want to address a couple of common questions students have about friendship, as well as include some miscellaneous advice that didn’t fit elsewhere in the article.

How do I stay in touch with my friends from high school, when I’m in college?

This is a tricky one, and it depends on your circumstances. If you go to college in the town where most of your high school friends still live, it’s just a matter of meeting regularly.

If, however, you and your friends are scattered all across the country at different colleges, as it was for me, then you have to be more deliberate. My high school friends and I have always made a point of getting together during breaks to go to trivia, have parties, and even take summer road trips. And, of course, text, call, and FaceTime regularly.

Be like these skater dudes: make time to hang out.

That being said, you should also expect that you’ll drift apart from some of your high school friends. People change a lot after high school.

On the other hand, if you were unsatisfied with the friendships you had in high school, college is a great place to start fresh. Obviously don’t be a jerk, but don’t feel like you have an obligation to remain friends with people just because you hung out with them in high school. That’s the sunk cost fallacy at work.

None of my friends ever want to do anything. What should I do?

This one’s simple: Become the organizer. Take an active role in planning things for all of you to do. It took me far too much of college to realize the power of this approach.

Because generally it’s not that your friends don’t want to hang out. They’re just in the same position as you, looking for someone to nudge them toward an activity. Don’t be part of the inertia; be the one who moves things along.

Advice: Branch out from your initial friend group

Coming into college, it’s normal to make friends with the first people you meet and click with. There’s nothing wrong with this (I’m still friends with some people I met at my college orientation).

I would encourage you not to feel like those people are the only ones you can ever be friends with. Go to some of the places I suggested above and try to branch out. Join a new club, take a class that’s outside your area of expertise, or strike up a conversation with a coworker.

This article covered a lot of ground. As with any kind of advice, however, it’s useless if you don’t apply it. At the end of the day, the best advice I can give for making friends is to make it a priority. Once you’ve achieved that mindset shift, your job is to get out there and make it happen.

If you take even one of these steps, you’ll be on your way to a happier, more fulfilling life.

The first person I consciously remember calling my “friend” (and later, “best friend”) was someone I met in preschool. I’ve made new friends along the way, deepened my relationship with existing friends, and fell out of touch with others.

Sharing a house with semi-random people was where I made some of my best friends in college. Going out and meeting lots of people is a good idea to keep your social skills honed and broaden your network, but when it comes to making friends it’s best to keep it small. At the end of the day, the best advice I can give for making friends is to make it a priority.